I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys*r*us kid... etc etc.
Boy oh boy does being a grown up have its set backs. I remember looking at grown ups when I was little like "wow! they sure have got it all and know everything ! i can't wait to be just like them" and now... where are those grown ups who know everything? Cause it sure as heck isn't me !
I've decided I don't like making decisions. Well, except for that decisions to not like decisions. But I've known this for quite some time. I don't like to choose. Just tell me what to do and where to go. Unless I really don't like something. Then I'm ok making the decision against it. Are you confused yet? Welcome to
my brain !
So Chris has been looking into buying a car to replace mine Elantra for forever. We wanted to sell mine and then find a good deal and ta-da! New car for me. But, no calls from anyone interested in my car for 3 weeks. Even posting it on Craigs List and reducing the price. Chris is tired of putting money into the repairs and stressing about me getting stuck on the side of the road (oh, it happened). He wants a piece of mind. I understand. This is one thing I don't get stressed about. Maybe because all his paychecks go towards fixing it and I don't see the actual cost. And I honestly don't care when I get stuck on the side of the road as long as I have my handy dandy kindle. But he's sick of it. We've looked online at everything from Cleveland to NYC and Virginia and Myrtle while we were there. Nothing seems to be good and cheap anymore. Even cars that are 150k+ miles are so expensive. What's up with that! Well he went to a St Albans dealer and found one he really liked. He wanted me to really like it so we went to check it out. 3 hours later, a few phone calls and about a million signatures later, I'm a proud new owner of a Toyota Matrix. YAY! I've always wanted a Toyota. They last for-ev-er! And it's a Matrix which my mom always said she could see me driving around it since she first saw a Matrix.
Isn't she pretty ! She wasn't cheap. Nothing is these days. But our car payment (ouch, that hurts to say) is cheaper than what I was paying to pay off my car before. And insurance won't go up by much (yay, and dangit, I gotta call them! Someone remind me later!)
I love her tho. She's pretty, drive so different. She's newer than my old car. 2001 vs 2008. I gotta get used to that. But she's pretty. My beautiful Melody Matrix <3 I love naming cars. My Elantra's name was Elvira!
I just realized through this whole thing how hard it is making decisions. And this is something that isn't even going to affect my life forever and ever and ever. It's a big decision, don't get me wrong. Debt and car payments and loans are scary and in this economic climate, probably not the smartest move. But if I freak out about these kinds of decisions, what about the ones that really matter... Like having children, teaching and raising those children. What about when they start making decisions, and ask me questions and Ah ! And jobs. Ugh, I want to find something else. I want to take the risk, but it's so scary. What if its not good either, what if it's not enough. There's just so many variables (that's my science brain talking).
My comfort is knowing nothing is set in stone. We can always try again. Yeah, we will always have consequences, (ie debt, bad credit, payments, etc) but knowing I'm human and I can make mistakes comforts me. That's why we came here. We knew we'd mess up, knew we'd make mistakes, again and again. But we were so excited for this life anyways, because we knew we'd learn. We knew we would return to our Heavenly Father better because of it. So I keep trying to tell myself when I get that scary little flutter in my stomach, it's ok. Heavenly Father is watching and He'll take care of me. Especially when it comes to the children thing. What better time to help me than when it comes to having and raising His sons and daughters. He's a parent. The perfect parent. Why not go to Him when I'm freaking out about that stuff. (Side note: no I'm not pregnant. Don't ask. I'll pee on a stick for you if you don't believe me!) I'm a planner and I think of these things. And people say things and they make me think of these things. So I'm always thinking of these things ! And I plan.
But luckily I just have to have faith in one plan :] His.
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