Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Covenants in Action

Sometime last week, my sweet sister in law and I were walking into Joann's Fabrics to look for Christmas fabric for stockings. We literally stepped through the door, less than 60 seconds in, and a sweet older woman stops her to talk to her adorable 4 month old. Does the normal baby talk and asks a few questions about him. When she asked his name and my sister in law said Chuck, she was taken aback and said oh like Charles? And she said yes, and then the woman proceeded to tell us about her husband, Charles, who died of cancer 4 years previous, and the 18 months to live they were given turned into 3 weeks, and holidays are very rough and she still has a hard time understanding why her sweet husband was taken when all these horrible people walk the earth. Man, talk about a heavy passerby conversation. BUT, my incredible sister in law, Madison, asked this woman, Bonnie, if she was religious. I cringed, way to be forward. //I have also never served a mission and never had to be forward, Madison has, and she rocks it// Bonnie says yes, she believes in God, etc. And Madison says ok good. And then bears her testimony and belief that there was work for this woman's husband in the next life, and that is why God took him from here and left her. And Bonnie still has work to do here and thats why she's still around. But, Madison said, I KNOW you will see your husband again someday and you will work with him side by side in the next life. I was choked up then, and again now typing this. This woman was crying and said do you really believe that? Madison proceeded to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner since Bonnie was alone, who insisted she couldn't possibly intrude, but she told me she was so touched by our kindness, and invitation and she would be able to get through.

Sorry for the detail. I hadn't planned on typing all that. Jump to this past Sunday.

I'm laying around since church doesn't start until noon and my father in law is getting breakfast ready and gets a call. One of the sweetest old men in our Ward [congregation] was found dead that morning and his wife found him, and an ambulance was on the way, and FYI, etc etc. And I watched him jump in to Bishop mode //He recently got called as the Bishop of the Ward here; think like a pastor over a congregation// He started making calls to find someone to go over to the house to sit with this poor widow and help her with whatever she needs. Then he has a meeting prior to church so he's got to get someone to jump in on that so he can also run over to the house and check on things. And between calls, he stops for a second over his breakfast and his eyes well up with tears. He took a deep breath and dials the next number and goes back into work mode. As the news spread, it was amazing to hear in the prayers, pretty much every prayer, asking for blessings and love and comfort for this family.

These two things happened within days of each other and it got me thinking of a scripture in the Book of Mormon. This will also take a little set up. If you've gotten this far, you can do it. I promise I have a point.

In the Book of Mormon there is a prophet preaching to an evil king and his wicked priests. But one of the priests [Alma] isn't so wicked and believes the prophet. He professes this and the other guys try to kill him so he runs off and takes a lot of people from the "kingdom" that also believe to a safe place in the wilderness. So they're hiding out in the wilderness and he's teaching them the words of this [amazing] prophet, Abinidi. And he starts talking about being baptized, and what being baptized means. More than a one time thing, professing Christ is your Savior, and you're saved, but the things you're agreeing to do and be when you are baptized. And that's what I'm getting to. Here are the words.

Mosiah 18:8-10

8. And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for this were they called) and now, as ye are desirers to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
9. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God [...]
10. Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

Lots of words. But some super awesome good ones full of goodness. Gosh, I love the Book of Mormon. Anyways, the part that jumped into my mind as I sat through church on Sunday and all these things were on my mind, was the bear one another's burdens, willing to mourn with those who mourn, comfort those in need of comfort, and stand as a witness at all times and in all things, even in the aisle of Joann's.

I LOVED seeing these incredible examples in my life this week, of the baptismal covenants in action. Sometimes we forget what we have promised when we were baptized. But this was a lovely reminder to me, that we need to reach out to those around us, whether complete strangers who are having a hard time, you *never* know. I will never forget sweet Bonnie Cobb of Barboursville, WV and her story we were a part of for a few minutes. And I will never forget the look on my father in law's face as he felt and mourned with this new widow and called on many others to go and comfort, and bear burdens and mourn. It was absolutely beautiful and it makes me so proud to call myself a Mormon and a part of this amazing community of Saints in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

#LightTheWorld #ShareGoodness #ImAMormon

Friday, September 8, 2017

If at first you don't succeed...

Every year, one Sunday is kind of "taken over" by the sweet primary aged kids in our congregations. [Usually ages 3-12] It's a chance for them to give the "sermon" and share their testimonies, their experiences and beliefs. They sing songs in between the little talks [or speeches] they give which sweetly and simply share their testimony and beliefs even further.

This is the first year I'm in charge of this 40 minute program, of 25 kids, as part of my calling as the Primary President. [[AH!]] Last year I was the lowly pianist for this program. Oh, that was the dream, kids! Don't mind me while I sob quietly in the corner reminiscing that beautiful moment.

OK! So, every year the lessons for these kids the leaders teach change. We focus on a different theme, have different subtopics we focus on, etc. So every year its different, based on what we've covered this year.

I remember the beautiful spring day when I thought so anti-procastinatingly that I'd start writing the program. [Mind you, the program is usually in the fall, so go me, productive president you.] HA. Let's take bets on how many of you actually thought I'd sat down waaaay back in the spring and wrote this program. It crept closer, it was always kind of looming in the back of my mind, and I'd always look at the calendar and think, "Psh, I've got time." We even scheduled the date with our congregation leadership before I'd written the program. This seems a little backwards.

Fast foward to a few weeks ago. I felt pretty good writing it in August. We had a bunch of kids move in over the summer, so I'm glad I waited to include them and not have to write in a bunch of new parts. We weren't going to practice until the end of Sept/beginning of October, so I had time before the looming "performance" date of Oct 22.

I sat down during one nap time, and busted that sucker out. I felt so good. I had all the speaking parts and talked grouped nicely in little themed bunches, followed by wonderful songs that summarized that section and packaged it all up nicely. HA. Who needs to start in the Spring when I clearly was able to do it in a few hours one day.

I think Satan may have heard that last part.

Cause BOOM. I went to save it. My mac has seen better days so it takes a good 5 mins for it to even register I'm trying to save something. As that little cursor is a-spinnin'... the seconds keep on a-tickin'. Five minutes goes by, [no sweat], 10 minutes goes by [ok, maybe a little sweat], 15... Uh oh. My computer is frozen. I can't click anything, with that danged spinning cursor. I can't switch to any other windows, restart Word... OH.NO. whatamigoingtodo!?

//restart computer//PRAY Word recovered the unsaved file [coolest feature ever, where was that in college, and why didn't I learn in college to SAVE AS YOU GO.]

Open word. Nothing. And "recovered" files weren't this lovely program I'd just written. Went into the brains of my computer to see if there was a trace of a recovered file, temporary file, any file.. nope. Nada. ::deeeeeep breathes, Haley::

I closed my computer, walked away, before I killed it and cried on my kitchen floor.

I told my fellow Primary leader, I guess something I'd written wasn't supposed to be spoken, or I'd left something out, or the program wasn't quite what the Lord wanted. Right? I was going to divine intervention instead of undivine mayhem. I'm convinced Satan controls electronics and thats why they reap so much destruction or always go wrong when you need them to, or that perfect video that's worked every time, stops working the second you need it for you Sunday School lesson. I know you know what I'm talking about. So I decided to err on the side of light, and I'd come back to it once my heart rate slowed down.

Uh... that was almost 3 weeks ago. Procrastinate much? I won't deny I wasn't a little bitter that'd I'd already sat down for hours, mapped it out, consulted the months and weeks of themes, the lists of kids on the rosters, who would be suited to read what parts, etc. I already did the work. So WHY was I being made to do it ALL over again??

Well as the days have crept through September, closing in on our first practice date, before which I need to hand out parts for kids to prepare and practice, a Bishop that needs to approve the program.. I finally sat down on this very late Thursday night to work on it.

Hopped up on far too much Pepsi, some beautiful simple church music playing, I started on that blank Word window. Now I'm not done. I have a few things to tweek. Some areas that need a little something. But I have it. 3 pages of glorious-ness [does that sound too prideful.. sorry!]

And as I scrolled over it, making notes on what to work on tomorrow, I felt in my heart, "This is what I wanted you to come up with."

So many times in our lives we are doing the Lord's work, whether in church areas, or in our own personal lives. We're working towards Him. And we have the plan, we have the idea of how its going to turn out, how its going to end up and be perfectly wrapped up in the end. And that final vision gets deleted. And we cry, or scream, or get angry that we did all this work, all this good work, what we thought was right, to have it all fall apart.

But once we stop, take a breath, hopefully say a prayer or two, and get back to work, we'll see, it ends up exactly how the Lord wanted it to end. And we almost always see His way was so much better than ours.

I know this program isn't going to change anyone's life. It's not going to rock someone to their soul, or change their entire perspective. They're usually just a sweet simple reminder of how adorable the kids in the church are, and the simple truths they come to testify of.

But you know what. This primary program changed my perspective. 💗

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Be Still & Know

I consider myself to be a pretty happy person. When things go wrong or get me down, I find some chocolate (obviously, have you seen me lately lol), have a good cry, text "my person" and pick up the next day and go on. I'm pretty good at this.

I've had some pretty low moments in my life. Nothing too crazy or intense, in comparison to some, but for me. And its always amazing and a testament to me to look back and think, "Hey, I did that. Look what I made it through!"

What's getting me right now is I can't put my finger on what the heck is wrong. I just feel like there is an icy cold grip on my heart. Is this what anxiety feels like? I'm generally pretty go with the flow, so if something is bothering me I just sit back, watch some Netflix and get back to life when I feel like it. But lately it's been more of keep busy so I don't stop and think, I don't feel this feeling. What is that !

I can probably list some things that it could be... Scrolling through facebook and seeing all the craziness going on, geez. I mean my life isn't that bad. But I'm not saying my life is peachy-keen right now either. We've all got our share of behind the scenes burdens, that either we're used to carrying so we don't notice or we're in denial we're carrying. Maybe because anything I could attribute this to is out of my control. 100%. If you know me, this sucks. I HATE to not be in control. I always have an answer. I have a plan. I have a solution.

And I guess I do have a solution. Maybe. When I was thinking of sharing this, probably more for me than anyone else, ya know, therapeutic, get it out, blah blah blah. For some reason the same scripture kept popping into my head.  Depending on your religious affiliation its Pslams 46:10 or my for LDS readers out there D&C 101:16.  "Be still and know that I am God."

There it is.

For my purposes I'll refer to the D&C scripture. Especially since its surrounding text has a little more meaning for my heart.

That whole scripture reads:

Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

I love that only part of this scripture was whispered to my aching heart. I had to go seek it out. Love that. Make me work.

Let my heart be comforted concerning Zion. How did it know I was worried about my future, my families future, our salvation. The first part. Be comforted. ::Breathe, Haley:: We're all taken care of. Not just me and mine, but all flesh is in His hands. He's got us, guys. He's taking care of us. Be comforted, because He's holding us. Remember the kids' song, He's got the whole world in His hands? It's true.

And then, be still. //Stop stressing, Haley// Just be. Be here and now. Don't worry about what's coming. I mean still plan and work and do things, but not with fear. Only faith.

And probably my favorite part. Know that I am God. <3

How do you come to know God? For me its scriptures and prayer. Well, duh I'm afraid and lacking faith, I can't tell how long its been since I've read scriptures, for me. It's been weeks. Solution #1 ! No brainer, I know. And prayer. Lately, I find myself only guiltily praying when I need something. "Oh hey, um.. sorry its been a while, but... i need this favor 😬😬" Yup thats me. So solution #2. Pray! My Heavenly Father cares that I'm worried, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, happy, sad, excited, nervous, WHATEVER. Just as a parent wants to hear how every detail of your kids day was (well most days 😜) that's how our Heavenly Father is. He wants to know how your day went, He knows. But he still wants to hear it.  And lastly, I can know God by simply just watching. Watching the sunset. Watch the wind blow my clean clothes. Watch my kids play (hopefully sweetly together). And there we have it, looping back around to being still.

I'm sure I'm not that only one that deals with these (hopefully) mild anxiety moments. Hats off to people who have bigger issues and deal with this more often, constantly. My heart goes out to you. And I know sometimes praying and scriptures aren't enough. But for now, that's my prescription. Because that was my first question. When was the last time I'd done these things. Weeks. Well no wonder you've felt "off" for that time. Seek help if you need it. Whether from a doctor or the Healer of our Souls.

This was long. Sorry. Again, hopefully this was just therapeutic for me. If you made it this far, I'll give you a cookie next time we meet !

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Feast on the words of Christ... or casually pick at it when I'm spiritually hungry?

So random post. It's been, what, almost a year since my last post? Why not post something totally random and off topic ! At midnight, no less !

I usually struggle to mark the standard "to-do's" off my list. There's always something I should be better at, do more often, blah blah blah. ((Can i get an amen!))

But recently I've tried to take the pressure off myself, and say "hey, you've got two kids, home alone, ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY. with a husband at training 12hrs a day, and then home to study/prep for tomorrow and sleep, before he hits repeat and does it again!" I know being a single mom is hard, and i'm not "technically" but really, I'm a single mom. ((don't glare at me))

So those days the dishes stack up, I'm ok with it. Those days I'm fishing for ANY sort of clean undergarment, gold star if you made it through the day, Haley!

But one BIG thing that bugs me, constantly, has been scripture study. It's been on my mind a TON lately, especially the last few months, after being called as our Ward (congregation's) Primary President. ((Basically with the help of two amazing counselors, I oversee the children program at my church, 18mos-12 years. Teaching, music, teachers, etc) ((can you say "AHHHH!?")). I feel like with this HUGE responsibility, I definitely need to make sure I'm doing all I can to stay spiritually on the right side and in tune with the Spirit. And scripture study is RIGHT at the top of that list of Holy Ghost magnets. ((can i copyright that? Holy Ghost magnets!? Im seeing an awesome visual lesson for kids! See its working! Inspiration! sorry i digress))

But let's be honest. If I barely squeeze in a shower three times two times a week, when the heck am I supposed to hit the mom pause button to stop and sit still and FOCUS, study and really take in the scriptures?? Without littles wanting my attention!?

So I've been trying to find out how I can feast. In the Book of Mormon (coolest book ever, go check it out), there is a prophet Nephi, and he said, "Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all thing what ye should do." LINK

So how can I feast? When I don't have the time for a feast. Think about all the time and prep and savoring that goes into Thanksgiving dinner? Especially versus a normal dinner. Now do that everyday. AH. So I've decided to hit the scripture study, as often as I can. Obviously the goal is everyday. BUT, my goal 2.0 is to FEAST when I actually get the time to. So instead of halfheartedly reading a chapter everyday, between snacks and yelling at kids, so I can check it off, I'll be more aware of how I'm spending my time, and carve out a chunk and actually STUDY during my scripture study time. And sometimes its an hour, sometimes its 15 minutes before a baby cries through that dang monitor. But you know what, its a dang good 15 minutes.

I've gotten a cheap lame little notebook. I made the front cute with my little scripture journal title, and I turn on some awesome instrumental Jesus music. And open my scriptures. I go verse by SINGLE verse. It takes a while. A lonnnnng while. But I can stop and read the cross references. Or think about why they used this specific word or analogy. Or take the time to google the meaning of a word I *think* i know, but in reality i have no idea and just skim over.  I bring up some awesome study guides put out by the LDS church that go right along with the reading ((shout out to institute manuals. i. love. you.)) They break down verses, historical context, definitions, everything ! It's incredible the knowledge that just hits me. And instead of rushing through my chapter so I can go take care of something else, I'm sad when I inevitably have to stop studying and go back to mom mode.

I only want to share this because I've been studying in 2 Nephi (Book of Mormon) where Nephi basically is teaching & quoting Isaiah from the Old Testament. And if you've ever tried to read Isaiah, wow. Go you. I'm pretty sure there's a stigma in the church with "the Isaiah chapters" and books on how to read, understand, apply, survive reading them without dying of confusion. But after I've stopped just rushing through the confusing poetry that is Isaiah, there is SO much good stuff ! I wish I could just keep going on for hours and type out my notes, and sit down with you and read you a verse and go, "see, isn't that SO cool !? Did you know that's what he meant?! AH !"

I feel my heart exploding with love for Isaiah, the incredible responsibility he had in his war stricken time, and the amazing words he recorded for all people. I love Nephi for teaching these scriptures to his family. And I hope he took the time to explain the nitty gritty details I'm uncovering. I'm so thankful for modern prophets that receive revelation and pass them on to us to help us understand the scriptures, the meanings, and how they apply to our lives.

I love the Book of Mormon. I've read through it quite a few times and love it more every time. And I want to love EVERY part. I want to dive into it and completely immerse myself in the teachings found there. I hope I can take the time to feast, actually fill my hungered soul, from time to time, as often as motherhood will let me. I hope it's not a casual 'open-the-fridge-door-to-see-what-looks-good' snacking type of relationship.
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