I usually struggle to mark the standard "to-do's" off my list. There's always something I should be better at, do more often, blah blah blah. ((Can i get an amen!))
But recently I've tried to take the pressure off myself, and say "hey, you've got two kids, home alone, ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY. with a husband at training 12hrs a day, and then home to study/prep for tomorrow and sleep, before he hits repeat and does it again!" I know being a single mom is hard, and i'm not "technically" but really, I'm a single mom. ((don't glare at me))
So those days the dishes stack up, I'm ok with it. Those days I'm fishing for ANY sort of clean undergarment, gold star if you made it through the day, Haley!
But one BIG thing that bugs me, constantly, has been scripture study. It's been on my mind a TON lately, especially the last few months, after being called as our Ward (congregation's) Primary President. ((Basically with the help of two amazing counselors, I oversee the children program at my church, 18mos-12 years. Teaching, music, teachers, etc) ((can you say "AHHHH!?")). I feel like with this HUGE responsibility, I definitely need to make sure I'm doing all I can to stay spiritually on the right side and in tune with the Spirit. And scripture study is RIGHT at the top of that list of Holy Ghost magnets. ((can i copyright that? Holy Ghost magnets!? Im seeing an awesome visual lesson for kids! See its working! Inspiration! sorry i digress))
But let's be honest. If I barely squeeze in a shower
So I've been trying to find out how I can feast. In the Book of Mormon (coolest book ever, go check it out), there is a prophet Nephi, and he said, "Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all thing what ye should do." LINK
So how can I feast? When I don't have the time for a feast. Think about all the time and prep and savoring that goes into Thanksgiving dinner? Especially versus a normal dinner. Now do that everyday. AH. So I've decided to hit the scripture study, as often as I can. Obviously the goal is everyday. BUT, my goal 2.0 is to FEAST when I actually get the time to. So instead of halfheartedly reading a chapter everyday, between snacks and yelling at kids, so I can check it off, I'll be more aware of how I'm spending my time, and carve out a chunk and actually STUDY during my scripture study time. And sometimes its an hour, sometimes its 15 minutes before a baby cries through that dang monitor. But you know what, its a dang good 15 minutes.
I've gotten a cheap lame little notebook. I made the front cute with my little scripture journal title, and I turn on some awesome instrumental Jesus music. And open my scriptures. I go verse by SINGLE verse. It takes a while. A lonnnnng while. But I can stop and read the cross references. Or think about why they used this specific word or analogy. Or take the time to google the meaning of a word I *think* i know, but in reality i have no idea and just skim over. I bring up some awesome study guides put out by the LDS church that go right along with the reading ((shout out to institute manuals. i. love. you.)) They break down verses, historical context, definitions, everything ! It's incredible the knowledge that just hits me. And instead of rushing through my chapter so I can go take care of something else, I'm sad when I inevitably have to stop studying and go back to mom mode.
I only want to share this because I've been studying in 2 Nephi (Book of Mormon) where Nephi basically is teaching & quoting Isaiah from the Old Testament. And if you've ever tried to read Isaiah, wow. Go you. I'm pretty sure there's a stigma in the church with "the Isaiah chapters" and books on how to read, understand, apply, survive reading them without dying of confusion. But after I've stopped just rushing through the confusing poetry that is Isaiah, there is SO much good stuff ! I wish I could just keep going on for hours and type out my notes, and sit down with you and read you a verse and go, "see, isn't that SO cool !? Did you know that's what he meant?! AH !"
I feel my heart exploding with love for Isaiah, the incredible responsibility he had in his war stricken time, and the amazing words he recorded for all people. I love Nephi for teaching these scriptures to his family. And I hope he took the time to explain the nitty gritty details I'm uncovering. I'm so thankful for modern prophets that receive revelation and pass them on to us to help us understand the scriptures, the meanings, and how they apply to our lives.
I love the Book of Mormon. I've read through it quite a few times and love it more every time. And I want to love EVERY part. I want to dive into it and completely immerse myself in the teachings found there. I hope I can take the time to feast, actually fill my hungered soul, from time to time, as often as motherhood will let me. I hope it's not a casual 'open-the-fridge-door-to-see-what-looks-good' snacking type of relationship.