Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Be Still & Know

I consider myself to be a pretty happy person. When things go wrong or get me down, I find some chocolate (obviously, have you seen me lately lol), have a good cry, text "my person" and pick up the next day and go on. I'm pretty good at this.

I've had some pretty low moments in my life. Nothing too crazy or intense, in comparison to some, but for me. And its always amazing and a testament to me to look back and think, "Hey, I did that. Look what I made it through!"

What's getting me right now is I can't put my finger on what the heck is wrong. I just feel like there is an icy cold grip on my heart. Is this what anxiety feels like? I'm generally pretty go with the flow, so if something is bothering me I just sit back, watch some Netflix and get back to life when I feel like it. But lately it's been more of keep busy so I don't stop and think, I don't feel this feeling. What is that !

I can probably list some things that it could be... Scrolling through facebook and seeing all the craziness going on, geez. I mean my life isn't that bad. But I'm not saying my life is peachy-keen right now either. We've all got our share of behind the scenes burdens, that either we're used to carrying so we don't notice or we're in denial we're carrying. Maybe because anything I could attribute this to is out of my control. 100%. If you know me, this sucks. I HATE to not be in control. I always have an answer. I have a plan. I have a solution.

And I guess I do have a solution. Maybe. When I was thinking of sharing this, probably more for me than anyone else, ya know, therapeutic, get it out, blah blah blah. For some reason the same scripture kept popping into my head.  Depending on your religious affiliation its Pslams 46:10 or my for LDS readers out there D&C 101:16.  "Be still and know that I am God."

There it is.

For my purposes I'll refer to the D&C scripture. Especially since its surrounding text has a little more meaning for my heart.

That whole scripture reads:

Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

I love that only part of this scripture was whispered to my aching heart. I had to go seek it out. Love that. Make me work.

Let my heart be comforted concerning Zion. How did it know I was worried about my future, my families future, our salvation. The first part. Be comforted. ::Breathe, Haley:: We're all taken care of. Not just me and mine, but all flesh is in His hands. He's got us, guys. He's taking care of us. Be comforted, because He's holding us. Remember the kids' song, He's got the whole world in His hands? It's true.

And then, be still. //Stop stressing, Haley// Just be. Be here and now. Don't worry about what's coming. I mean still plan and work and do things, but not with fear. Only faith.

And probably my favorite part. Know that I am God. <3

How do you come to know God? For me its scriptures and prayer. Well, duh I'm afraid and lacking faith, I can't tell how long its been since I've read scriptures, for me. It's been weeks. Solution #1 ! No brainer, I know. And prayer. Lately, I find myself only guiltily praying when I need something. "Oh hey, um.. sorry its been a while, but... i need this favor 😬😬" Yup thats me. So solution #2. Pray! My Heavenly Father cares that I'm worried, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, happy, sad, excited, nervous, WHATEVER. Just as a parent wants to hear how every detail of your kids day was (well most days 😜) that's how our Heavenly Father is. He wants to know how your day went, He knows. But he still wants to hear it.  And lastly, I can know God by simply just watching. Watching the sunset. Watch the wind blow my clean clothes. Watch my kids play (hopefully sweetly together). And there we have it, looping back around to being still.

I'm sure I'm not that only one that deals with these (hopefully) mild anxiety moments. Hats off to people who have bigger issues and deal with this more often, constantly. My heart goes out to you. And I know sometimes praying and scriptures aren't enough. But for now, that's my prescription. Because that was my first question. When was the last time I'd done these things. Weeks. Well no wonder you've felt "off" for that time. Seek help if you need it. Whether from a doctor or the Healer of our Souls.

This was long. Sorry. Again, hopefully this was just therapeutic for me. If you made it this far, I'll give you a cookie next time we meet !

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