Friday, April 27, 2012


I feel like I'm always being taught patience. My whole life has been about waiting, until the time is right. For whatever reason. And now is probably one of the biggest. Besides having to wait 18 months for Chris to get off his mission to marry him. I haven't been waiting that long. But I did that too myself. Anyways, pointless.

So I still haven't gotten any shot at leaving my job. Since we decided to stay I've been way more anxious to leave my job now, ya know, since I'll be here for another two years. And definitely don't want to be here. And Alcon didn't pan out. PS, didn't get that job. Even though I should have. But they really appreciated me following up because that shows them I really wanted it.... So.. are you going to change your mind and hire me then!! That about killed me. I wanted to cry. Oh wait, I did. Moving on. Got a random email from MU Career Services (Thanks Patti!) about a lab tech position about 35 mins away :/ Whatever. Emailed my resume, got a call like 3 days later to interview. So excited ! Loved the people, loved the company. Kinda far... but whatever. They actually partner and do work with my old UT job. Love so much about it. Except its $10/hr... COOL! Huge pay cut. And they say it will increase "soon" but can't promise. And that's such a big pay cut, and add extra money I'll need to travel that far... sad day. So I emailed them to follow up. We'll see. I can't say yes. But I keep dreaming they'll call and say ok, we got them to bump up the pay, now will you take it ! YES ! Hey I can dream.

Amid all these silly temporal problems, like jobs and money, I keep praying and it's been a struggle. Like I said, I need to learn patience, cause I'm not very good at it. And it is starting to get to me. What am I doing wrong? What can I do better so I can finally get this blessing? It gets super frustrating. Especially when I see so many around me getting exactly what I want. Why not me? What am I missing?

So Aleshia and I went to this women's conference in Harrisburg last weekend (Time Out for Women, it rocks. Go!!) And a lady was telling a story kinda similar. Her husband had lost his job and they were scared and nervous and "what are we going to do!" But they felt reassured that it would work out and that something was being prepared for them. "Be patient." So they waited and prayed and got anxious (hey, me too) and prayed so more. Um.. Lord? about that job... any day now... (hey, me too!) and another reassurance that there was something coming, but be patient. So a year and a half goes by, and he FINALLY gets this amazing job opportunity to take over this company, or buy it or something. Such an answer to their long offered prayers. All the time wondering why hadn't this come sooner !

Come to find out, (and here's the kicker), the man that had previous owned the company was dying of cancer. While this lady and her family were praying for her husband to get a job sooner, "Hurry up already!" this other man's family is praying for more time to spend with their dying husband, father, brother... She felt selfish in that moment knowing they were in essence praying against that other family.

I know I'm probably not going to be in this situation. I'm not waiting for someone to die so I can get my dream job. Seriously? But, I don't see the whole picture. There is something. It will happen. I don't know why it isn't happening now. Or 6 months ago when I first started looking for a job. I don't know what I need to do to make it faster, if anything. But I do know that I can learn patience. That's all I can do now. Come to work, do what little I can, and in the mean time, learn patience.

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