So I saw this quote on Pinterest [my latest addiction!] and my thought was cute, I have all those things, minus the happy kids. Then I'm thinking, well they're probably happy in Heaven. And then [this is my profound part] obviously they're in Heaven, they're happy. But are they happy with me and Chris? Are they looking down and watching us thinking, I can't wait to be with them and learn from them and be loved by them? Or are they watching the struggles and disappointments, are they disappointed? Are they just trying to encourage us to be better? Are Chris and I the kind of people our kids can't wait to come to? Does any of this make sense? I just stopped and had this oh goodness moment. What would I think if I was looking down on myself, my future mother... What can I be doing better, what can I being doing more right... I love my kids [I don't have] more than I ever realized I could. It's insane to love someone so much you haven't even met [at least in this life] and plan and prepare so much for. It makes me realize all that I have to do before I can bring such a choice Spirit into this world. I get sad that Chris and I have decided to wait a little bit, but then I'm grateful for this opportunity for him and I to get our act together.
There was a quote 2 conferences ago [I think] that said what you want your kids to know 5 years from now needs to be in your conversations now. I LOVE that quote. I think, even if I don't have kids this moment, if I do in 5 years, we need to be the parents now that we want to be then. We need to be doing things that I'll want my kids to have in their lives. Its not like one day you have kids and flip a switch and tada, you do everything you wanted to perfectly. It takes practice, habit forming practice. I need to get better.
I love knowing that we came here to have families, to have families for forever. To be sealed in the Temple. To know that our purpose was to bring God's children into the world so they could have this earthly experience. It makes me want to quit everything to start a family since, hey, that's why we're here right? I don't think Chris will agree, but someday :]
I so do this. I feel absolutely crazy when I do so I'm glad someone else does it as well. I really love the five year quote. I think that's a marvelous idea. Would I want my child to copy me when he/she is my age? Is this a behavior I want them to learn? Is something I ask myself sometimes and the answer is rarely yes! Definitely need to work on that :)
ReplyDelete